Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize