Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
