i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
