Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
