I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
