My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
