youre lurking in front of me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize