NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
