I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize