i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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