Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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