Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
