If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
