GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
