did you get engaged???
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
