I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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