So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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