I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
