She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
