He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
