elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
