If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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