I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
