she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
