It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
