Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
