6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
