for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
