yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
