On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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