the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
