butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
