Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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