i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
