batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
3pm strippers are depressing
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
