I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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