I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
