We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
