Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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