Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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