things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
