last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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