I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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