I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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