Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
