i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
