we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
