I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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