Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Panties = found
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
