I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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