i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
