I think I died a long time ago.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
