I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
