I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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