well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
