Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize