What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
