I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
