So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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