I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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