My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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