I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
