i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize