watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i think i just lost a toe
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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