Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
