Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
