i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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