R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
