Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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