I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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