I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
