PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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