Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
