ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
