O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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