Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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