I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
