Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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