Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
