You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
