Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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