Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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