Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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