I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
