yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
