Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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