Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize