I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
