Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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