there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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