And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
