There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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