you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
